Disney Destroyed

You know, growing up, us kids always loved crowding around the tv and watching our beloved Disney movies. Our grandmother had THE BEST collection of them. Of course, when we were young, the Disney movies that were out are considered classics today. That's ok, because they are amazing every time I watch them. Except the few I never did care for like Bambi and Snow White. When I was little, there were a few of them that actually scared me. Disney? Scary? to my 7 year old self, yes!

Little did I know that a decade or so down the road of life I would learn that those movies that DIDN'T scare me, the ones I watched repeatedly, were the ones that were inspired by real written stories that were far more dark than the movies that I didn't like to watch. Crazy right? The Brothers' Grimm, as they called themselves, were story writers. FOR CHILDREN! Sometimes it amazes me how dark and awful the original stories are. Um, these are for kids!?What was wrong with those guys?!

Siblings and I, cousins too, have had countless discussions on which movie is best vs the original story vs the closest a movie came to the original story. In my experience, the live action films made by Disney, or whatever picture company made the movies, were most accurate. Peter Pan, not written by BG, was most accurately depicted by HOOK. You know, one of your favorite Robin Williams films. There are many Disney movies that were not written originally by the Brothers' Grimm that are among the list of movies that my sisters and cousins enjoyed the most. The Lion King and The Jungle Book, for instance, are 2 of the top movies for most people I come in contact with. Neither were written by Grimm.

Rapunzel. She was not a princess. She was the first born of a poor couple. That couple lived next door to a witch. The pregnant wife of the peasant man was craving radishes. That witch had a garden full of them. He stole them to appease his wife. The witch caught him and made the deal that she could take whatever she wanted from him in exchange for his life. The baby. Rapunzel. You know what happens next. The whole tower thing, right? Well, the prince found her tower climbed it and immediately asked 12 year old Rapunzel to marry him. Obviously, she did not break his smolder in this version. Then a little bit later she was pregnant. The witch discovered this, cut her hair and threw her pregnant ass out of the tower abandoning her in the woods to die. She didn't die. The prince was tricked into climbing the tower again by the witch with Rapunzel's hair. She then pushed him out of the tower to his death. He didn't die either. Instead, he fell into the rose bushes, which blinded him. Eventually, Rapunzel found the blinded prince and cried tears of joy. Her tears returned his eye sight. Meanwhile, the stupid witch starved to death in the tower because she's a big dumb who built a tower with no alternative way to get in or out. You think she would just conjure up one being a witch, but no she didn't, dumb witch.

Snow White. Did you know that the original story of Snow White, written by Brothers' Grimm, was altered by the brothers because it was too dark?? In the first draft of the original, the evil queen was actually Snow's biological mother! Not her step-mother. That's crazy because, as you know, the queen tried to brutally murder her for being pretty. This is more disturbing seeing as how she gave birth to this girl! Anyways, the brothers thought that making the queen her real mother was too bad so they changed it to step-mother. Again, still horrible. The Queen pays the huntsman to hunt down Snow White and carve out her lungs and heart so she could cook and eat them. Eww! Snow White escapes, 7 dwarves, blah blah blah. That concoction that the queen drank? You know the one that turned her into an old hag? Almost killed her. Poisoned apple, check. Glass casket, check. Handsome prince who saves her via "true love's kiss", check.

*Oooooooone sooooooong, I have but ooooooone sooooooong, ooooooooone sooooooong, only for yoooooooou!!!!*

So, in the Disney film, the evil queen is chased by vultures and falls off a cliff to her death. Then the vultures fly down and do what vultures do. Pretty dark enough as it is. In the Brothers' Grimm version, the queen is forced to wear magma hot iron shoes and dance in them until she died.....GEEZ!!

Sleeping Beauty. This one is rather disturbing as well. In the Brothers' Grimm version of this classic, sleeping beauty, also known as Talia, got a splinter. A SPLINTER! Which put her into, as you know, a long enchanted slumber. After this, her father the king, abandons that castle and leaves her behind. *Sigh* fatherly love right there! Shortly after, another kind inhabits the castle. He discovers Talia sleeping and tried to wake her. He couldn't do it. So what does he do?has sex with her instead. Not only is that gross, doesn't it come REALLY close to necrophilia? I know she's not dead, but unconscious in an endless sleep comes close right? Once upon a dream just became once upon a damn nightmare if you ask me!! Anyways, she woke up.....with two babies. Twins. Now, obviously the brothers had ZERO knowledge of what child birth is like and how it effects the behavior of a woman considering, in the story, she didn't wake until AFTER the children were born. Um, no. Ok so one of the babies started suckling on her finger and that's when she woke up. The baby sucked out the splinter. REALLY? That's all it took to wake her up? I wonder why or how her father didn't think of that to begin with. Ok, so now we have a king with 2 bastard children. Well, the queen was pretty pissed off because she ordered the children to be kidnapped. She then ordered the cook to chop them up into a stew and serve it to the king. All this so he would unknowingly eat his own children. Um....OMG! Luckily for these two innocent babies, the merciful cook hid the children with his wife to keep them safe. Gee, what a nice guy! Way to go, Mr. Cook man! The king found out and had her executed. So yeah not such a happy movie after all.

Cinderella. Now here's one you may have already heard. In the Disney classic, she's a slave in her own home. 2 really bitchy step sisters and a horrid, HORRID step mother. Why is it always the step mother?? Anyways, you may recall that every eligible maiden in the kingdom was invited to the ball to meet the prince, yeah? Cinderella was told she could go if she got all her work done. The step family pretty much made it their mission to give her so much work that she couldn't get it all done in time. The mice and birds made her dress for her. Then they were all mad when she came flying down the stairs in her pretty dress. A gift from her mother, if you recall. Pause for a second...if I were Cinderella, there would be no story because those bitches wouldn't be allowed to treat me like that. Nope! Ok anyways, she runs away, meets her fairy godmother....SING IT WITH ME!.....

**Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
It'll do magic believe it or not
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo
But the thingamabob that does the job is
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
Bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo**

Does anyone else notice that this is pretty much gibberish?? Moving on...

She goes to the ball in her pretty blue dress and glass heels. Who dances in glass shoes, btw?? That is just absurd, right? She meets the prince, they fell in love...oh yeah you know what's coming.

**So this is loooove, mmmm-mmmmmm. So this...is loooooove!!**

The most boring Disney song EVER!!

And I am the queen of classic Disney songs!! The clock strikes 12. It's time to go. Her coachman turns back into Bruno. Her horses turn back into mice. Her pumpkin is ran over by the palace guards. She's back in rags, but she's totally over the moon. Ok, so the prince orders the duke to find her. He searches all night. Yada, Yada, Yada now they're at "Chateau Tremaine". I don't think it's called that, but it sounds fancy, yeah? The sisters try on the shoe. Now, the Disney movie does resemble the original but not quite. The shoe won't fit Drisella because her big toe is huge. It goes BOING! The shoe won't fit Anastasia because her heal is too big. The Duke almost leaves. Then Cinderella comes running down the stairs, right? You know the rest.

In the Grimm version, there is no fairy godmother. I know, sad right? Instead the essence of her mother is in a big tree in the back yard. Cinderella would sit under the tree and cry. The tree's leaves and branches are what helped Cinderella dress up for the ball. Oh and by the way it wasn't a ball, it was a 3-day festival in which Cinderella and the Prince danced each day. Imagine watching Cinderella right up until she gets home, rewinding it, then watching it 2 more times in a row before moving on. The duke did not come to her house, it was the prince himself. Drisella couldn't fit the in the shoe on account of her giant sausage toe being too big, so her mother gave her a knife and basically said, "Cut that shit off, bitch! I wanna be royalty!" She obeyed her mother, and then rode off with the prince. Well Mr. Dumb Dumb Prince who should notice what a girl looks or doesn't look like after spending 3 days with her, notices all the blood in the shoe and was like, "Um, gross you're not my bride" and took her back. Anastasia couldn't fit in the shoe on account of her monstrous hobbit feet being too big. Like trying to fit a size 6 shoe on your big ass size 10 foot, idiot! So, Lady Tremaine said, "Cut off your heal. Make it fit!" So she did. The prince rode away with her and again noticed all the blood, again without noticing that it was not, in fact, the same girl he spent 3 days with. He took her back. Cinderella finally came into the picture again. Now it's time for the wedding. The two step-sisters came to the wedding along with their mother offering to be bridesmaids and the crows ended up being like, "Yum, dinner!" and plucked out all of their eyes! Ewww, right?? Reminds me of a song my grandpa Ed used to sing to me!

"Two little grows a sittin in a tree.

Two little crows a sittin in a tree.

Two little crows a sittin in a tree, one named Melissa and the other Jackie. (That's what he said)

One little crow said to his mate.

One little crow said to his mate.

One little crow said to his mate.

There's a dead horse out in yonder field.

Let's go lie down on his back.

Let's go lie down on his back.

Let's go lie down on his back.

AND PICK HIS EYES OUT ONE BY ONE!!"

My grandpa has an amazing sense of humor, ay? 

So that's the story of little Cindy. I always hated when everyone referred to Catharine Duchess of Cambridge as modern day Cinderella. That doesn't make sense. For one, her and Prince William met at college. Two she was loved by her small town family. Three, they lived on a farm. Lastly, she and the Prince dated on and off for years, before they got married. So no, that is incorrect.

Moving on...

The little Mermaid. This one is very similar to the actual original story. Ariel is not her name though, and it wasn't a Brothers' Grimm story. But it is still pretty much the same. She wanted to be part of the human world, yeah? Then she saved Prince Eric from drowning. She then made a deal with the sea witch to get legs so she could be with him. Ok, in the original story, the tiny, insignificant mermaid made that deal to get legs. Only the witch didn't tell her that it would be excruciatingly painful to walk. Ha! Serves you right, dumb dumb! Shouldn't have messed with black magic! The Witch told the princess that if she could get the Prince to fall in love with her, it would be permanent. Well, turns out our Prince Eric was a huge dickface and made her dance for him all the time, even though it hurt her badly. The Prince fell in love with someone else. In the Disney version, Ursula disguised herself as Venessa and tricked the Prince into falling for her. This was against the witch's deal. To be released from said deal, the mermaid was told she had to kill Eric in order to be released and return home. Otherwise, she would die and turn into sea foam. She loved that idiot head. Therefore, she did not kill him. So she died on the beach and turned into sea foam....

Hmmm...well that sucks! Quite the ending, ay? La-la-la-la...YOU'RE DEAD!

Pocahontas. Now here's one that is kind of accurate, but some false. Especially considering she was a real person at the turn of the 16th century. All the film makers had to do was look up her wiki page and boom a movie. I don't know why they tweaked the story. I mean, the others were tweaked from stories. This one was tweaked from history. In this adoring Disney classic, also one of my favorites, (the took it off of Netflix, those bastards!) Pocahontas was a YOUNG girl full of life. She was adventurous and kind of rebellious. In the movie they portray her as an 18-19 year old girl. she was actually 12 or 13 when she met John Smith. She was the daughter of the chief, Powhatan. A pretty important guy if you ask me. He was pretty much king of that entire area. Well she meets a whitey. They fell in love. His friend kills her betrothed. (We know him as Kocoum)Then John is sentenced to death.

**I hear-by claim this land, in honor of his majesty King James the First, and do so name this settlement....(snooty British accent) Jamestown!**

There really is a Jamestown Virginia! Funny huh? If I lived there, I'd be saying that all the time to everyone! Anyways, she saves John Smith by throwing herself on him right as Chief Powhatan swings his rock looking club hammer thing. I've always wondered how that would have beheaded him. I mean, is that what they were going for? If anything, it would most likely paralyze him. He would live as a quadriplegic. The English leave, the end. They make a second movie where Pocahontas goes to England to talk to the king about not attacking her people. She meets John Rolfe and they fall in love. There's one scene where the nanny housekeeper lady is trying to dress her in clothes a well dressed English woman would wear. Back then they wore layer upon layer upon uncomfortable, I imagine, hot layer. She runs into the room where John is and says, "How do I look?" He gets embarrassed and says, "Lovely, in your....underwear." Picture what "Underwear" was in the 16th century. Now picture what an Indian wore during the summer. I always laugh because what she is used to is like not even half of what was considered underwear. Ha Ha. Kind of like what you would see in National Geographic today. *Chuckles to self*

Well history tells us this: "Pocahontas (born Matoaka, known as Amonute, and later known as Rebecca Rolfe, c. 1596–1617) was a Native American^[2][3][4] notable for her association with the colonial settlement at Jamestown, Virginia. Pocahontas was the daughter of Powhatan, the paramount chief^[2] of a network of tributary tribal nations in the Tsenacommacah, encompassing the Tidewater region of Virginia. In a well-known historical anecdote, she is said to have saved the life of an Indian captive, Englishman John Smith, in 1607 by placing her head upon his own when her father raised his war club to execute him. Some historians have suggested that this story, as told by Smith, is untrue.^[5]

Pocahontas was captured by the English during Anglo-Indian hostilities in 1613, and held for ransom. During her captivity, she converted to Christianity and took the name Rebecca. When the opportunity arose for her to return to her people, she chose to remain with the English. In April 1614, she married tobacco planter John Rolfe, and in January 1615, bore their son, Thomas Rolfe.^[1]
In 1616, the Rolfes traveled to London. Pocahontas was presented to English society as an example of the "civilized savage" in hopes of stimulating investment in the Jamestown settlement. She became something of a celebrity, was elegantly fêted, and attended a masque at Whitehall Palace. In 1617, the Rolfes set sail for Virginia, but Pocahontas died at Gravesend of unknown causes. She was buried in a church in Gravesend in the United Kingdom, but the exact location of her grave is unknown.^[1]"
She was young as you can see, but I love her!

These are among many stories that have been majorly tweaked for the sake of children over the years. If you think about it though, the earlier Disney movies are still pretty dark. And racist too. I mean, Dumbo? The most racist of all! The princess and the frog is pretty bad too. Extremely stereotypical. I was shocked.

Talk about childhood stories you love, destroyed. I own a paperback copy of all the Brothers' Grimm stories and whew, they are pretty dark. Good stories, though.

Don't be a dick cuz Jesus said so!

Don't be a dick: The golden rule of life

Well, in my own words. There are so many things that have "gone out of style" to put it nicely. Thanks to millennial babies and feminists chivalry and respect and kindness for others have gone right out the window. It seems to me that this was easy for them. All those things that our parents tried so hard to teach us somehow got lost in translation along the way to the next generation. Things like holding the door open for the person behind you/your lady, simple kind every day gestures like saying please and thank you, saying hello and smiling to passers by, or even referring to those you don't know as sir or ma'am have become crazy what the hells to these younger kids. Who's to blame for these things? Who do we have to shake to get them to understand that this "attitude", that is quite common, is just not okay??

I think that there are a lot of things that are ok today that were definitely not ok a decade or so ago have a lot to do with it. Things that have been goin on for generations but were never talked about. As the military put it "don't ask, don't tell". Well now it's "you can ask but you're not allowed to get upset if you don't like the answer". This is also not okay! How can you say it's ok if you're not like me, but damn you to hell if you are? Isn't that kind of hypocritical? Chastising and damning those who are different, in the name of Jesus, that seems to be popular now a days. It's annoying! I know for a sure fact I am not the only one that feels that this is the definition of hypocrisy. Religious people are often at fault for this! No, I am not mad at religious people. I just feel strongly that if you are going to label yourself as a Christian, for example, you cannot walk around judging and damning those who are either not living that life or a different religion. Everyone seems to think their religion is right, right? You're actions are not in the name of Jesus! You may claim them to be, but so far everything you have done, is definitely NOT something Jesus would do or even consider doing. Angry, disrespectful actions such as condemning those who are gay or black or Muslim is NOT an action you would catch Jesus doing. The way I grew up, Jesus taught to love thy neighbor, respect strangers, be kind to all. As most would say "treat others the way you want to be treated". I don't mean to nitpick but what happened to saying "hey, nice tits!" when did that go out the window? I'm merely complimenting your exquisite bodice. Silly conservatives and your definitions of what sexual harassment is! It's not like I grabbed you! I walked your way, and kept going. I didn't even look back. You kept walking your way and got pissed off cuz the weirdo stranger told you you had a nice rack! Whatever!

Ha Ha. Okay let's get to the nitty gritty. I know that there are a lot of folks out there who do not approve of this LBGT movement. I personally don't understand it. So you're gay! Who gives a shit, go be gay! I do not care. Why does it matter? It doesn't. Oh you wanna be woman and you were born a man? Tough shit! You're a dude! Lady-dudes is what I call them. If you have a damn vagina, you're a woman. If you have a weiner, YOU'RE A MAN! Oh yes, I am definitely one of those people who hate that people think this way. I wouldn't go as far to say that is a mental disorder, as some have, but that doesn't mean I don't think you're a complete wackaduke for it. Again, I do not care if you are gay or lesbian or transgender. That does not bother me in the slightest. What bothers me is the way these people are treated! Be gay if you want. Live YOUR life the way that makes you happy. Do I approve? Not necessarily. But I am also NOT going to go out of my way to tell you that I think you're wrong. Why? because that is not my decision. I, for one, would be REALLY angry if someone told me how I was supposed to live or feel and put federal nation wide laws on who I could love. This is probably why the movement got started in the first place. People got sick of being treated as outcasts and degenerates instead of human beings that have feelings and deserve respect. You know what I mean Vern?

I believe that just because a person is different, doesn't mean they are broken. It doesn't mean they don't deserve a good life, or good fortune, or love. Who the hell are you to judge?? That brings me back around to religious folk who think otherwise. Remember the "in the name of Jesus" thing? Well guess what there is another thing that he didn't do...judge others. So how is it a religious, most the fanatics, person can say, "Oh no, I don't judge because I'm so and so religion. Hmmm well you missed the mark there Mr. Baptist!

Ok back on point. I have notice an outrageous reaction to the transgender bathroom issue. Either that or "You may use the bathroom that you self identify with" policy that target recently adopted. ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS!? Why would you do that?? Why???!!! This policy honestly, my friends, has NOTHING to do with transgender folk. It really doesn't. The reason for that is because, as I said before, transgender folk have been among walking homosapiens for MANY generations. Only now they're out in the open and others are aware of their existence has it become a "problem".

I'd like to point out that I DO NOT have a problem with transgender folk. What I have a problem with, as I said before, is this: most people, the average person anyway, are not millionaires. The procedure to change your sex, gender reassignment surgery, is QUITE expensive. The average American probably can't afford to pay for this operation. It is not covered under most insurance plans. That is not to say that it is impossible. As I said, millionaires can afford it. Folks like Laverne Cox, and Bruce Jenner, they can afford it. Not to mention the boob jobs. Those are pricey procedures too. Anyways, my point is, unless you can afford these surgeries, I'm sorry but you are a MAN or a WOMAN stuck in a MAN or a WOMAN's body. Deal with it!!!

This brings me back to the bathroom problem. The main issues and opinions I've seen about this is "if you're allowed to go into the bathroom you 'self identify' with, what is stopping a man who does not have this issue from saying he is and following me into the bathroom"?? Let me stop you right there! YOU ARE NOT DESCRIBING GENDER DISOCIATIVE DISORDER!!!! YOU ARE NOT!! You are talking about rape culture!! You are more scared of a man sexually assaulting you than you are a PERSON who identifies as a woman. Worried about your kids??? How about you focus on TEACHING your child(ren) about gender dissociative disorder!! You are teaching them to be SCARED of these people, not UNDERSTAND these people. Teach your child(ren) to be aware of the differences people have. Teach them it is ok to be different because they can be whoever they want to be. Again, PEOPLE DESERVE RESPECT. It does not matter how you feel about what THEY are doing with THEIR lives!

*Notice all the capitalized words. That means the words are key!*

It truthfully is none of your business! Now, I have said a few times that I personally do not much care for that way of life, but again I must emphasize that I do not care if YOU live that way. I have MY OWN life to live and I choose to live it MY WAY! I am not being forced to accept nor reject YOUR way of life. That is what is so great about choice, right? What I'm saying in very simple words, in case you didn't get it, is GET OVER IT! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

Swinging back around to the religious aspects of this issue. Along with all that, I've also seen a lot of videos posted of people defending their opinion on the matter. People have been saying some pretty mean things. Physical threats, name calling etc...Does that sound like respect to you? NO, don't be a dick, he said, remember!? This goes back to the point I made about people deserving respect. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people are just that....PEOPLE. You nor anyone else has ANY right to treat them so badly and threaten their safety for being different.

GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE YOU LEAVE, DUMB DUMB!!

I'm not naïve to the fact that small children and babies need to go to the bathroom sometimes when you are out. I get that, trust me I do. So if you are truly that worried about it, maybe you should stay home. If you must go out, don't go to places of controversy that you seem to want to cry about so much! You can no longer complain about it if you're willingly going to the places that support this decision. Like Target. Go somewhere else. No one is forcing you to go there. If you don't go there you are not going to be forced to comply, comprende?

Ok, well that pretty much covers it. Key points being:

Don't be a dick! Be kind to others regardless because that is what a decent person is all about.

Money is everything

Ever since I was a little kid, I've always known that I am attracted to semi-expensive/actually quite expensive things. Furniture, electronics, clothes, cars etc...

Once I got older, after I graduated high school mostly, I figured out how having and not having money really works. If I had the money for something, I would buy it. Even if I knew I either didn't need it, or couldn't afford it in the long run. This practice, as I'm sure you could guess, got me into A LOT of trouble in the few years of being on my own. There are several individuals in my life that can personally attest to the issues and problems I had. The lessons I had to learn the hard way were in the double digits, I'm sure. If I really think about it, I'm sure that number is higher. Student loans, fancy clothes, apartments and cars are just among the few things that I, if I could go back, would change. Who would give up the chance to right and really dumb wrong if they had the chance to go back? I know for sure I would.

Eventually spending the little money I did have got me into so much trouble that if I didn't do something about it right then, I probably would have been in some SERIOUSLY deep trouble. After I joined the military, I had a steady pay check. I had a constant flow of money. My 20 year old self of course loved this. It seemed that trouble I got into before didn't matter as much because I had money now. Well...I was way wrong. WAY WRONG! I just didn't get it. I spent and I spent and I spent. I don't really think there are sufficient words for how badly I screwed things up. My credit, my bank accounts....just doomed from the get go. In June 2010, I bought a car. It was a 2009 Chevrolet Malibu. I LOVED IT!! It was charcoal grey and it had everything. The most beautiful car I had ever seen...for me.

I had the car for a few months until after I got out of the Marine Corps. I could only afford it for a few months after I got out. I had no job and Zack couldn't afford to take on the payments. Especially with the new truck he bought before we got married. It was eventually repossessed. At the time I didn't really care because it was just a bunch of extra stress to worry about. After a few months, I missed that car but eventually that care went away. Until one day in the mail I got a letter from the loan lenders saying I owed them a BUNCH of money. Oh man so much money. I didn't have it. Ugh!

I took on odd jobs like babysitting and massages here and there, it wasn't enough. Not to mention the student loans I had procured. Geez! I had some serious collaborating to do. I needed to sit down and figure out what I owed to who. Talk about biting you in the ass right? That was ultimate bite in the ass because now I had someone else in my life to care about. It wasn't just about me anymore. It wasn't mine this or his that. It was OURS. After sitting down with my charming hunksband, we figured out together what bills we had and what loans both of us had. We could barely afford the little duplex we lived in. Obviously, I had more than him, but we figured out a plan and set that plan in motion.

I tried to find jobs around town. No one wanted a former Marine who couldn't manage to stay in one full enlistment(that's a story for another day). I was unsuccessful. Zack got orders shortly after that, and we moved out to Hawaii. I decided to put all that on the back burner for now because I really wanted to start a family. We had a substantial pay increase when we moved out to Hawaii. It is technically considered over seas even though it is still part of the United States. So we got an extra few hundred for that. Our BAH seemed like it skyrocketed. The housing we chose to live in was different from the on base housing. It was a government contracted installation so we only paid rent. The base housing took all of the BAH. These houses only took what they needed. That is why we decided to live there. We saved several hundred dollars a month living there. We were finally financially stable enough to start our family. Which I was quite happy about. This meant that I could go online or to the stores and baby shop to my hearts content. This...got me into more trouble. This time with Zack. He did not like how much I was spending on clothes and random baby gear. I did my best to justify my purchases, but sometimes that wasn't enough. I then started to think about how deep my already deep enough financial hole was already and I needed to just...stop. I tried really hard o save money and I tried really hard to limit myself on how much I did spend and save. I managed to save quite a bit, actually. For that, I was proud of myself.

In 2014, our laptop took a dive. When I say dive, I mean it kept getting virus no matter how much malware we had and one night it was destroyed. By that I mean it was thrown, across the room, for playing the same ad over and over. It was so annoying. Just over and over. You know that Hidden Valley Ranch commercial? It was that!!! Over and over and over. So Zack punished it!! Well I was upset, but not because he destroyed our laptop...which is one of those pricey items. I was upset because I had SO many photos of Mara when she was a baby on there along with many other photos of our life together so far and my life before. I managed to get them all off, thankfully!

Zack said that now that the laptop was broken, it's time to get a new one. This was his excuse. I forgot to mention that Zack also has expensive taste, only he's SUBSTANTIALLY better and restraining himself and saving then I ever was or have been. We got the same brand of laptop. It was cheap and on discount, but still expensive. That laptop lasted for...can you guess? 6 months. In that time I managed to save every photo I had and took all of them and put them on a USB. Smart. Ok, moving on...

Now I have no laptop. This time I was upset because it was my window to the outside world. As I said in the last post, it's quite isolating out here. One night I was in bed. I woke up to loud banging. Zack was still awake. It was about 3 in the morning. I got up to go see what the banging was. I was more worried that the noise would wake up my 9 month old daughter who slept with her door open. Turns out she can sleep through a hurricane. The noise was coming from the garage. We lived in the top apartments. It was above our garage. I went downstairs to find Zack blasting his god awful screamer music(the pig squealing kind, not the actual tolerable kind) and taking a tiny sledge hammer to the laptop!! What the hell old man!!! Again, mainly for the noise. I asked what he was doing he said viruses. Although I had never noticed a difference in the speed of the laptop or pop ups or anything, I accepted his reasoning, said shut the hell up! and went back to sleep. The next day I asked if we were going to go get another laptop. He said No! What the hell man! You're gonna destroy the laptop that I rely on for, you know human contact, and not replace it??? Ugh. He didn't seem to care at the time, but about 3 weeks later we went to AT&T to fix our phones. Something was wrong with his. While we were in the store, he saw the ipads we have now and got 2 of them. Ipad minis. I used this and no longer cared about the laptop. Mind you, ipads are expensive too, but he heard the amount it would be a month added to the phone bill and didn't mind that it would take 3 years to pay them off(which they didn't tell us of course).

Since then I've used my ipad for pictures, videos, and all manner of apps and programs that I really like. I got used to the touch pad. Eventually(with in the last year or so) I've leaned more toward getting an actual laptop. Zack said I had an ipad and didn't need a laptop since the ipad is basically a mini computer. Sure, maybe a little. However, there are many sites that are not supported on an ipad. Eventually I convinced Zack to get me a laptop. Consider it a birthday present.

It is so nice. Now I have to get used to a keyboard again. It's windows 10 so I can set it up just like my phone, which I did. That makes it easier because I don't have to et used to two different systems. It also came with a nice surprise that I didn't notice when I bought it. It's one of those 360 degree flipping screen ones. So I can use touch screen like I do with the ipad but have a key board. Nice right?

Let's just pray this laptop doesn't get caught in the crossfire of Zack's destructive pleasures. :)

A mother always knows

I have this blog because it's a great way for me to get off my chest all my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. Being a stay at home mom is fine and dandy, but sometimes I just want to talk to an adult. My husband doesn't always appreciate my talking his ear off the second he walks through the door after a long day. Granted, the internet is not an adult, it can be seen by adults who can comment. I do not have many friends and the ones I do have live far away. I live on a very isolated island. It's beautiful here. So much to do.

The problem is, as I said, very far from home. I am often alone. The few friends I did acquire left me. Literally moved away. The others, well...let's just say I don't always come across in the best way. I've been told I chase people away. I don't know how that is possible. Rude? Eh. I've also been told that even when I don't mean to be, I come across that way. Well get over it!!! My mother used to say, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." I used to get so angry when she said that because I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. The friends I had loved me and stayed friends with me regardless of my crass and bluntly honest nature. Now I'm grown up and as much as my mother is right, I still hate to think people take everything so sensitively.

I recently came to be very close friends with a girl. We were very tight. Deep conversations, sleep overs you know. I truly thought her and I would be friends forever. I could always tell her exactly how I felt in the way I thought it without censoring myself or fear of offending her. She had no problem telling me if she thought I was wrong or being mean. I appreciated that. I really did! I felt safe with her. I felt like no matter what I did or said, she would understand me and why I did or said those things. Her and I just meshed well. I'm sure you have had a friend like that.

A little more than a year after we met, she started acting strange. Every time I said anything, she would sigh or shrug. I knew she was having some issues with her sister in law and I just thought she was worried about other things. One night I went to dinner at her house with her brother and sister in law. They had a little girl Mara's age. My first instinct was to find common ground and talk about the kids. So that's what I did. I had no idea the sister in law didn't like me. I didn't think I did or said anything even remotely offensive. I thought we were having a good time. Everyone was happy and laughing and joking the whole evening.

A few days later I texted her to see if she wanted to grab lunch or coffee. She declined and broke up with me. I mean she told me she needed space. She said it was all too much and that she just couldn't handle it. Confused, I said alright and told her I'd talk to her later. I had no idea at the time that she was talking about her in laws. I had been having issues with others lately and didn't realize she hopped the band wagon until it was too late. At the time my suspicions were on the in laws because she had no problem until her sister in law came over.

I asked her what the deal was because I needed to know if maybe there was something in the water. She then lost her damn sandwich on me. I mean all the meat and cheese just fell right out. She yelled at me and said very mean things about my personality. She belittled, nippicked, and ripped apart the very essence of my being. The entire core of who I was, crushed in an instant. I didn't know what to say or do. She told me that if I didn't change, I will always be alone. I found that to be perposterous! Down right ludacris!!! It truly hurt my feelings. That doesn't happen often. I mean, I'm sensitive to a point, sure. Things bother me, yes. But this truly hurt.

The first person I called to cry to was, of course, my mother. To which her response was, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." She did the best she could to help me see the situation from both sides. This was hard to do because this has never happened before. She tried to tell me how this girl may have felt she was right, but went about it very wrong. I didn't wanna hear that she was right! She was so mean. How could she be right??

In the end, I came to the conclusion that I am me and I will not change who I am for anyone! My own husband loved me and married me just the way I am. If he, OF ALL PEOPLE, can accept me, flaws and all, and never ask me to change, why can't others do the same?? I do have those few friends I've been friends with for over a decade and not one of them ever complained about my crass bluntness. Which apparently, as I learned in this experience, can be mistaken for rudeness. The girl an I eventually talked it out, expressed our grievances, and moved on. We are still friends. Although there is still a scar, I'm glad we got a chance to talk it out.

Gee, makes me wanna call my mom!