A mother always knows

I have this blog because it's a great way for me to get off my chest all my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. Being a stay at home mom is fine and dandy, but sometimes I just want to talk to an adult. My husband doesn't always appreciate my talking his ear off the second he walks through the door after a long day. Granted, the internet is not an adult, it can be seen by adults who can comment. I do not have many friends and the ones I do have live far away. I live on a very isolated island. It's beautiful here. So much to do.

The problem is, as I said, very far from home. I am often alone. The few friends I did acquire left me. Literally moved away. The others, well...let's just say I don't always come across in the best way. I've been told I chase people away. I don't know how that is possible. Rude? Eh. I've also been told that even when I don't mean to be, I come across that way. Well get over it!!! My mother used to say, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." I used to get so angry when she said that because I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. The friends I had loved me and stayed friends with me regardless of my crass and bluntly honest nature. Now I'm grown up and as much as my mother is right, I still hate to think people take everything so sensitively.

I recently came to be very close friends with a girl. We were very tight. Deep conversations, sleep overs you know. I truly thought her and I would be friends forever. I could always tell her exactly how I felt in the way I thought it without censoring myself or fear of offending her. She had no problem telling me if she thought I was wrong or being mean. I appreciated that. I really did! I felt safe with her. I felt like no matter what I did or said, she would understand me and why I did or said those things. Her and I just meshed well. I'm sure you have had a friend like that.

A little more than a year after we met, she started acting strange. Every time I said anything, she would sigh or shrug. I knew she was having some issues with her sister in law and I just thought she was worried about other things. One night I went to dinner at her house with her brother and sister in law. They had a little girl Mara's age. My first instinct was to find common ground and talk about the kids. So that's what I did. I had no idea the sister in law didn't like me. I didn't think I did or said anything even remotely offensive. I thought we were having a good time. Everyone was happy and laughing and joking the whole evening.

A few days later I texted her to see if she wanted to grab lunch or coffee. She declined and broke up with me. I mean she told me she needed space. She said it was all too much and that she just couldn't handle it. Confused, I said alright and told her I'd talk to her later. I had no idea at the time that she was talking about her in laws. I had been having issues with others lately and didn't realize she hopped the band wagon until it was too late. At the time my suspicions were on the in laws because she had no problem until her sister in law came over.

I asked her what the deal was because I needed to know if maybe there was something in the water. She then lost her damn sandwich on me. I mean all the meat and cheese just fell right out. She yelled at me and said very mean things about my personality. She belittled, nippicked, and ripped apart the very essence of my being. The entire core of who I was, crushed in an instant. I didn't know what to say or do. She told me that if I didn't change, I will always be alone. I found that to be perposterous! Down right ludacris!!! It truly hurt my feelings. That doesn't happen often. I mean, I'm sensitive to a point, sure. Things bother me, yes. But this truly hurt.

The first person I called to cry to was, of course, my mother. To which her response was, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." She did the best she could to help me see the situation from both sides. This was hard to do because this has never happened before. She tried to tell me how this girl may have felt she was right, but went about it very wrong. I didn't wanna hear that she was right! She was so mean. How could she be right??

In the end, I came to the conclusion that I am me and I will not change who I am for anyone! My own husband loved me and married me just the way I am. If he, OF ALL PEOPLE, can accept me, flaws and all, and never ask me to change, why can't others do the same?? I do have those few friends I've been friends with for over a decade and not one of them ever complained about my crass bluntness. Which apparently, as I learned in this experience, can be mistaken for rudeness. The girl an I eventually talked it out, expressed our grievances, and moved on. We are still friends. Although there is still a scar, I'm glad we got a chance to talk it out.

Gee, makes me wanna call my mom!