Home Sweet Home

Living in Hawaii was hard. Especially for someone like me. Family is the number one most important thing in my life. Being over there was fun at first, but once I realized how hard it was to see my family, it stopped being fun. The trips I did take home were 3-5 weeks long because it was so expensive to get home. 4-5 thousand miles, 10 hours of total flight time, and 12-14 hours of travel, made going home a huge pain. But I did it anyway because I needed to see them. 
With my husband's job, it made it that much more difficult to coordinate these trips. He is always gone and his hours are unpredictable! Planning around everyone's completely opposite schedules was really hard. Not to mention the 6 hour time difference. That was rough on everyone, especially my children. Half the time, I traveled alone with the kids because my husband couldn't leave. It made me hate it there. Hawaii was a beautiful place. So many fun things to do. The things we did do, I really liked. The views were stellar. But I hated it!! And I hate that I hated it. I wanted to enjoy it and do all the fun things, but couldn't because I just wanted to go home. That was the only thing I wanted to do. I was almost depressed. Not quite to that point, but seriously on the verge. Especially around holidays. Christmas in particular. All my siblings at home with mom taking pictures and posting them online, and I'm over here like, "Well, I see it's 82 degrees and sunny outside, darling! Fetch the bathing suits!" Everyone keeps asking me now if I miss Hawaii and I say I REALLY wish I did. But I do not. I do not miss being so far away. I do not miss how expensive it was. I do not miss driving 45 minutes just to get 12 miles away. Another reason why we hardly ever went anywhere. I do not miss not being able to pronounce any of the street names because they are mostly Hawaiian. I just don't. I also get asked if I could go back, would I. I often reply not so much and if I did, it would not be that island. Then FINALLY we moved!
Now I live on the east coast. In a nice little town with a lot of neat history. I like it much better here! Do you know why? Because my mom is only a 14 hour drive away! What's the difference between traveling 12 hours and traveling 14 hours? 
A. A car. 
B. I can stop whenever I need. Not like a plane where you're 30,000 feet in the air in a tiny metal case(well not tiny but you can't leave) where the air is mostly never fresh. The temperature is either Satan's bath water hot or Arctic elephant seal cold. And if you do need to go to the bathroom that little button you push on the toilet makes you feel like you're gonna get sucked out. The person in front of you wants to sleep and reclines his seat giving you....zero room to do anything. If you're me because I traveled with infants. The flight attendant says things like "in case of a water landing..." a water landing??? Oh you must mean if we crash into the ocean!!! That's comforting! and "Please do not get up until the pilot has brought the aircraft to a complete stop." Like he's just gonna slow down to a nice and steady 5 miles an hour, OK EVERYONE OFF!!
C. I don't miss out on important family occasions like weddings, births, and in my case funerals. That.is.so.hard!
D. IT'S ON THE MAINLAND!! That is probably the best part ever! 
Not to mention I have other family members close by. Again, FAMILY. It is so nice to be so close. Where my mom can get to me for free if she needs. Where I'm in the same time zone and can still talk to people at 8 at night. 
That is the difference that makes that 14 hour travel SIGNIFICANTLY better than the 12.
This may seem silly to some. I know a lot of people who are not close with their family. I feel sad for them. I wish everyone was close to their siblings and everyone the way I am. I like to think that I am a pretty good pen pal. I'm a good communicator. So keeping in touch is no problem for. THANK YOU INTERNET! No really, ask my mom. That woman will get a text, email, or phone call at least once a day from me. Sometimes on rare occasion all 3. That is reserved for trips we are planning! I'm sure that can get quite annoying, but my mom knew I was having a hard time and I like to think she made an exception. Well at least I hope she did.
I love that I can go home whenever I want now! I am closer to my parents, nieces and nephews, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends, and best of all, MY SISTERS!!! I don't know what I would do without those chicks!! All 4 of them are my heroes and I love them all dearly!!
Even though my husband is gone 19 hours a day, I'm okay with it. I am perfectly capable of holding down the fort. It would be the EXACT opposite if he was gone this much over there. Now that we are closer to home, just knowing that makes things so much easier. Especially while the hubster is gone. 
Sigh, life if good right now!

Technology Dependant

What is it about technology that is so fascinating?? Cell phones, computers, satellite, microchips, you name it! I am truly amazed at how far it has come in the last century. When I think about all the things my generation has access to, it's just mind boggling. Of course I was alive when dial up internet was invented. I was around when cellular telephones were huge giant bricks and had little tiny antennas you had to pull out in order to get reception. When you watch movies from the 80's or early 90's, it is so funny to know that the technology in those movies was top of the line at that time. The next generation has it best, I think. Oh my goodness. The innovation and creativity people have astounds me. App designers, laptop/tablets(I have one, it's pretty bomb!), water proof cellphones. It's all so much fun!

There is a commercial, that I really like, that promotes the new Samsung galaxy s7 that is water resistant. Real quick I wanna point out that the key word is RESISTANT not water proof. So if you keep the damn thing underwater, it will die. Getting it wet is fine. Hence the term resistant. Anyways, Lil' Wayne is the promoter for this phone. In the commercial, you've probably seen, he is telling his friends, "Look, I can pour champagne on my phone and it still works!" Then him and his friends all say, "Whaaaaaaaaaaaat!" This is my reaction! Like that pretty much sums it up very nicely!! Not to mention that I was a Lil' Wayne fan for a bit there when I was younger. Anyways, that commercial always makes me smile. It always makes me laugh. That is probably the reaction a lot of folks have.

Think about how our grandparents must feel! How much easier would their lives have been had they had all these awesome things that we have? Probably why so many of them get so upset about it. Well my grandmother actually has a nicer phone than I do. She's all about technology! Alas, these things would not be around if someone didn't invent them. Every single idea came from someone's head. From someone's idea. From someone's dream. Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Michael Dell, Sundar Pichai. We all know who these people are and what they have accomplished. Just amazing! Then there are coders! Those guys to me are most impressive!! They are the gas to the car if you ask me. Someone has to come up with how this computer can talk to that computer, use a camera to capture your image, send it hundreds of miles away, and put it back together again on the other side. Amazing! These guys change the world with their ability to do this. Machinery works that way too. Automatic machines that build pretty much everything. Someone has to write the language, if you will, that the machines talk with. The codes that translate a bunch of numbers letters and algorithms into "you there! screw on that bolt!". 

Another commercial that comes to mind, I can't remember who it is for, but there is a family and they are sitting in their living room! The father slams a hammer down on the table and says, "This was your grandpappy's hammer. He'd want you to have it." Then the son says, "No no I'll be writing the code that allows the machines to talk to each other. It's innovative technology that will change the world." Then the days says, "Go ahead and pick that up...pick it up. You can't pick it up can you?" The son is just looking so confused. Ha. Then the mom says, "That's okay honey, you're gonna change the world!" It is also funny to me.

It's true, though. The future is in the hands of these coders and their genius. As long as they have a consumer driven audience that is dependent on the product they create, then yes. Medical technology has come a long way as well. Along with physics, space travel, astronomy, black holes. All of those things. We have better understanding of all of these things thanks to innovative minds like Steven Hawking, Albert Einstein, Marie Curie, Nikola Tesla and so many more people that made all this technology possible. It is truly amazing, isn't it?

We can thank the internet for a lot of things too. Websites, email, instant messaging. You can even make a living through the internet. It is crazy to me. Things like the link in the comments.

The crazy thing is, that people take such a huge advantage of all these things. They don't appreciate them. They just use use use. I am curious to see what it would look like if even a splinter of people found themselves without their Facebook. Without their internet and cell phone. Without their Wifi, or satellite TV. My sister has a home phone that is hooked up through an interesting app called google voice. Basically it is a land line, but if you miss the call it forwards the call the cell phone number that is on the account. In this case, my brother in law. It is SO weird having to ask for the person I want to talk to like I'm in the 3rd grade again. I'm so used to her, or everyone really, answering her own cell phone. I felt awkward and weird asking, "Um, is my sister there?" Like I was 9 and calling a boy for the first time. It was kind of funny. To think, that is what my entire childhood consisted of. Interesting, right? Sometimes I think we would revert back to cavemen if cut off from all this technology. Literal riots in the street. Well that's happening anyway. But can you imagine what would happen if the electrical grid shut down and there was no power ANYWHERE? I imagine it would be something like that show Revolution. That is a pretty good show by the way. I mean, I personally have lost my cell phone and freaked out. I won't deny that. But in my defense, I live on a very isolated island, very far from home.

In the words of Forest Gump:

"That's all I have to say about that."

Children come first

This is one of those concepts that eludes a lot of people! I'm not sure why. You think that it would be seriously obvious, seeing as how children depend on adults to care for them until they are old enough to do things for themselves. That and a child didn't ask for this. Unfortunately, it is not as simple as all that to some. Those are the kind of people you either wanna slap some sense into, or cry for. I know I cry for women who have serious cases of post partum depression and do horrible, awful, unspeakable things to their babies. I try really, very hard to understand how serious that affliction is, but it's so hard sometimes because some woman are capable of just the worst things. You see it in the news all the time, right? Then you hear or see people rant and rave about how awful that person is. "How could she do that to her baby???" "What a horrible person, she needs to die." I've heard both of these, and much worse. I personally, never had an issue with either of my babies, and I'm grateful for that. Of course, I was super excited about both of them. I think the majority of these cases happen to women who aren't necessarily over the moon about their pregnancy. That's a shame, yes, but it happens regularly.

As far as those it doesn't happen to, it leads you to really wonder what the hell their problem is!! In women PPD doesn't happen to, I mean. They have every opportunity to take care of their kids first, and don't. This comes in an array of situations. Mostly in younger moms and teen moms, partying and drinking and material things are more important, it seems. Ok, I like things too but that last few dollars should be spent on milk or bread not on your stupid sunglasses. You know the ones. The ones that are huge. My husband calls them "My boyfriend beats me" glasses. Which I think is hilarious. It sucks to think that women care more about themselves than their babies. I buy things. I don't deny that. But I also make sure my toddler has pull-ups first.

Another situation we see, most often actually, is the father not taking responsibility. I mean, you have a kid! The greatest thing in the world. Why would you not wanna be around?? "Not ready for a kid" "Scared I will hurt them" "Can't afford kids" Well then maybe you should have wrapped your tool, ya big dumb!! Maybe the mother of said child wasn't ready for a kid either and you kinda just said, "Well tough shit, get over it." WELL TOUGH SHIT GET OVER IT! You can't say that to a woman when you're pretty much the one causing the damage. Not that a kid is damage, just that it biologically takes 2 people to make a baby! It's like saying that the cake pan is the one that is responsible for making the cake. Sure I guess, but how did the cake get in the cake pan, hmm?? The most common name I hear referring to this situation is "deadbeat dad".

Yeah, but what about dead beat moms? This is A LOT less common, but still happens. Teen age moms have this problem most. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE KIDS STILL THEMSELVES!!  If you can't even decide which dress to wear out with your friends this weekend, what the hell makes you think you're ready for a kid??? Oooh you're not ready for a kid? Why's that? Because what? Speak a little louder. OOOOH because you ARE a kid! Got it, got it!!
**Side note: IF YOU WEREN'T AFRAID TO TALK TO YOUR DAMN KIDS ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL, this would be a lot less likely of a problem.**
They're kids! They shouldn't be having sex, you say? Well I hate to burst your bubble there Mr. and Mrs. Hideyourkidsfromtheworld, THAT'S ALL THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT! Peer pressure, pop culture, social media, entertainment, movies, TV, celebrities!! ALL of which are factors of why a young person is pressured into this!!! It is safer to teach your kids not to be embarrassed and TALK to you about this, than hope they're not out there doing it! Your job, as a responsible parent, (I use that word because I think it is a responsible thing to do) it is your job to make sure you kids, especially teenagers, know the dangers and consequences of their actions. sex=kids. That's a fact. Now you can use analogies if you must, but making sure they understand what you're saying is what's important. Hiding them and shielding them from this is not going to stop them from eventually figuring it out or becoming curious. If they know about it and are aware of what can happen, they are more likely to talk to you and you have a greater chance of protecting them, THE RIGHT WAY! Like birth control. Oh and by the way, birth control does not mean I'm talking about girls. That's not what birth control means. Talk to your sons about condoms. Talk to your daughters about the pill. It's that simple. You can't put all the responsibility on the girl. THAT IS NOT FAIR! Remember the cake analogy?

I used to say all the time when I was a teenager, how come my brother gets to go out all the time and do whatever the hell he wants and I have to be home by so and so time. My parents often responded with "he can't get pregnant". (YES YOU DID MOM!! I remember!) I used to respond with but my brother can get girls pregnant. It used to make me so damn mad. The idea that the situation, if that were the case, would be all MY fault and not my partners fault, just really grinded my gears! Boy, it sure did ruffle my feathers!! My parents also used to say, "I ain't raising no grandbabies!". As I said, that's more for teenagers.

Now that's not to say that they are going to listen to you. So in that case, it comes back around to the kids come first bit. What if a teenager is willing to do all that, even after you taught them about it, and it happens anyway? This is where that lesson can be implemented. You wanna go where on Saturday? A party? Did you find a baby sitter? No? Why not? Oh, so you assume because your parents are home that they will be happy to baby sit for you without being paid or even asked to? Did you ever think that maybe we, as your parents, have plans? Yes, as a matter of fact we do have plans. Our plans? We were planning on seeing a movie. Yes, right over there on that couch. Oh no, you can't take a baby to the movies, are you crazy? Such a distraction. Well if you want me to cancel my plans you're gonna have to pay me by the hour. How much? 6$ an hour. Well that's what most baby sitters charge. No dear, it's not too high. No, it's not. Well that's what this baby sitter charges so you're either gonna pay up, find another baby sitter who charges less, or cancel your plans and stay home with your kid like most parents. Oh well honey, maybe you should have thought about that before hand. (By the way, this is just an example of teaching responsibility.)

*Did you like my one sided conversation? I feel like I was listening to one side of a phone conversation!*

Then there are the better parents who do anything and everything for their kids. This includes working multiple jobs, and having no life of their own, and much much more. I know a guy who has 2 kids with his ex girlfriend. Her and I actually went to high school together. I was not friends with her by any means, but we were civil to each other. Anyways, she is one of those moms who does what a lot of deadbeat dads do. Party all the time, drugs, new boyfriends in and out of her life...it is nuts. The poor guy does everything for those kids. He gives her money for them(god knows what she spends it on, but it ain't those kids), he picks them up and takes them to and from school, he takes care of them! For some reason the court won't give him custody of them. THAT blows my mind. Why is it that 98% of the time, in custody situations, it is awarded to the mother? Even when the mother is a piece of total garbage!? That's just crazy! Kids need their mothers, yes, but they need their dads too!!

My mother and I were talking about how sometimes it's ok to spend money on yourself. Like birthdays. Every year since my kids were born, I have used birthday money to buy stuff for my kids. My mom would say that money was for you. I always come up with an excuse for why my kids needed what ever it was I bought for them. This year was different and I actually bought something for myself. She was happy and said that it is hard not spending our prizes on our kids. This is true because I do it all the time. MY kids come first, no matter what! I'm really really glad that I had my kids later in life! I would have been in HUGE trouble had they been born any sooner than say 7 years ago. Life would be inexplicably different!! I am old enough to understand the concept and I never have an issue putting my beautiful babies first! I wish others were the same!

My kid, my problem

I never understand why everyone feels the need to parent other people's kids. I mean parents have their own problems and a lot to deal with. They don't need others coming around and telling them they're doing something wrong. I know a lot of people feel this way. A lot of people would agree, yeah?

To use as an example, let's say there is a brand new mom. She just had her first baby and she has no clue what to do. Instinct kicks in at this point. Of course she has her mother, but what if her mother isn't around as much. Some women don't have strong relationships with their mothers. So she is alone at his point. Here is where it gets annoying. This young mom has multiple friends. Single and parents. Yet all of these friends are telling her what to do. The parent friend seems to push her own habits and styles and the single friend says, "I was raised around kids, I know what I'm doing." "My mom was a nurse, I know about kids." Well let me stop you right there!!! The ONLY person that knows what they're doing when it comes to that child is that child's MOTHER! Not her friend, not her family, the child's mother!! If you are unsure, look it up. There is a ton of information out there geared towards new moms. That being said, I learned that too much information is a bad thing. You can really scare yourself if you listen to every single thing you hear. 

I'm gonna throw in my own experience here for a minute.

When I was pregnant with my first child, Mara, EVERYONE felt the need to "give me advice". My mother and I have always been close. I called her for advice. She was my go to. I also called my sister. She had a child too so I figured, we have the same DNA our children will probably be similar, right? For the most part I was right. Anyways, I had several friends that were giving me multiple tid bits of advice. While I appreciated it, it got annoying really fast. I had been doing my own research and didn't care much for others telling me what to do. Even if that wasn't their intent to make me feel bad and unknowledgeable.

One of the girls had two kids of her own. They were older kids so she had been at it a while. She would tell me what to do what not to do. What diapers to get and how many. What soap to use and why I shouldn't use others. What size clothes to get and why I shouldn't get so many of each size. Just on and on all the time. It really shouldn't have gotten to me but it did. I did what I thought was best for my future baby. I would try to explain to her what I was going to do but she would always have a reason to shut me down. Something was always wrong with what I thought would be good. Talk about frustrating!!

Another girl had a little baby boy just over a year. She was my neighbor. We became great friends. She was chalk FULL of baby advice. She said all the same things the first girl said and more. She gave me books and CD's that would "help" me make a good decision. The only problem was, they were her decisions. Things that she did. What made me most upset was she would push and push and push breast feeding. I had already made the decision NOT to breastfeed for my own reasons. No one could tell me different on that one because I wouldn't budge. My own husband couldn't even budge my decision. He questioned it but never made me feel bad for it. So that was cool. Anyways, one day I decided to read the books she had given me. I went to read the breast feeding section. Even though I had already made my decision, that didn't mean I was just gonna disregard what she was saying. EVERYTHING in that book pushed me farther and farther away from breastfeeding. I had this discussion with her how it didn't sound at all like something I wanted to do nor did it even come close to swaying me to the other side. But not to my surprise, she defended her position too. She told me that I may be against it now, but maybe I'll like it if I actually try it. I think one of those times, I actually got upset with her. I exploded at her. I didn't mean to but I did. She told me it was alright and that in the end it was my decision. That calmed me down right away. That's all I wanted to hear. That my decisions were validated in some way.

Some of the things that the second girl told me, I actually did with my first kid. Sign language being one of them. It totally worked. So in that case, I'm thankful for that piece of advice. My daughter started learning sign at 5 months. She could communicate very simple things. Eat, tired, diaper change...etc. It was awesome. I very much plan on doing the same with my son.

That is all a new mom wants. To hear that her decisions are right. That everything she does, even if it the hardest thing to do, is the right thing to do for her and her family. She should take the advice she wants and use it, and take the advice she doesn't like and simply throw it out. That's all I wanted to hear. Now that I'm on my second baby, I don't really freak out as much. I'm more...relaxed. It is just so crazy, the differences between my first pregnancy and my second. Get everything done and bought right now vs meh I got 6 more months. It's nuts! 

Now I find myself talking and talking about what I do and don't do, what works and what doesn't to my sister. She has two kids as well and we like to talk about routines and activities we do with our kids. It is fun. 

Of course there are many things I would change but for the most part I did alright. I think that is what it is all about. All I had to do was believe in myself, that I could do it the whole time.

Disney Destroyed

You know, growing up, us kids always loved crowding around the tv and watching our beloved Disney movies. Our grandmother had THE BEST collection of them. Of course, when we were young, the Disney movies that were out are considered classics today. That's ok, because they are amazing every time I watch them. Except the few I never did care for like Bambi and Snow White. When I was little, there were a few of them that actually scared me. Disney? Scary? to my 7 year old self, yes!

Little did I know that a decade or so down the road of life I would learn that those movies that DIDN'T scare me, the ones I watched repeatedly, were the ones that were inspired by real written stories that were far more dark than the movies that I didn't like to watch. Crazy right? The Brothers' Grimm, as they called themselves, were story writers. FOR CHILDREN! Sometimes it amazes me how dark and awful the original stories are. Um, these are for kids!?What was wrong with those guys?!

Siblings and I, cousins too, have had countless discussions on which movie is best vs the original story vs the closest a movie came to the original story. In my experience, the live action films made by Disney, or whatever picture company made the movies, were most accurate. Peter Pan, not written by BG, was most accurately depicted by HOOK. You know, one of your favorite Robin Williams films. There are many Disney movies that were not written originally by the Brothers' Grimm that are among the list of movies that my sisters and cousins enjoyed the most. The Lion King and The Jungle Book, for instance, are 2 of the top movies for most people I come in contact with. Neither were written by Grimm.

Rapunzel. She was not a princess. She was the first born of a poor couple. That couple lived next door to a witch. The pregnant wife of the peasant man was craving radishes. That witch had a garden full of them. He stole them to appease his wife. The witch caught him and made the deal that she could take whatever she wanted from him in exchange for his life. The baby. Rapunzel. You know what happens next. The whole tower thing, right? Well, the prince found her tower climbed it and immediately asked 12 year old Rapunzel to marry him. Obviously, she did not break his smolder in this version. Then a little bit later she was pregnant. The witch discovered this, cut her hair and threw her pregnant ass out of the tower abandoning her in the woods to die. She didn't die. The prince was tricked into climbing the tower again by the witch with Rapunzel's hair. She then pushed him out of the tower to his death. He didn't die either. Instead, he fell into the rose bushes, which blinded him. Eventually, Rapunzel found the blinded prince and cried tears of joy. Her tears returned his eye sight. Meanwhile, the stupid witch starved to death in the tower because she's a big dumb who built a tower with no alternative way to get in or out. You think she would just conjure up one being a witch, but no she didn't, dumb witch.

Snow White. Did you know that the original story of Snow White, written by Brothers' Grimm, was altered by the brothers because it was too dark?? In the first draft of the original, the evil queen was actually Snow's biological mother! Not her step-mother. That's crazy because, as you know, the queen tried to brutally murder her for being pretty. This is more disturbing seeing as how she gave birth to this girl! Anyways, the brothers thought that making the queen her real mother was too bad so they changed it to step-mother. Again, still horrible. The Queen pays the huntsman to hunt down Snow White and carve out her lungs and heart so she could cook and eat them. Eww! Snow White escapes, 7 dwarves, blah blah blah. That concoction that the queen drank? You know the one that turned her into an old hag? Almost killed her. Poisoned apple, check. Glass casket, check. Handsome prince who saves her via "true love's kiss", check.

*Oooooooone sooooooong, I have but ooooooone sooooooong, ooooooooone sooooooong, only for yoooooooou!!!!*

So, in the Disney film, the evil queen is chased by vultures and falls off a cliff to her death. Then the vultures fly down and do what vultures do. Pretty dark enough as it is. In the Brothers' Grimm version, the queen is forced to wear magma hot iron shoes and dance in them until she died.....GEEZ!!

Sleeping Beauty. This one is rather disturbing as well. In the Brothers' Grimm version of this classic, sleeping beauty, also known as Talia, got a splinter. A SPLINTER! Which put her into, as you know, a long enchanted slumber. After this, her father the king, abandons that castle and leaves her behind. *Sigh* fatherly love right there! Shortly after, another kind inhabits the castle. He discovers Talia sleeping and tried to wake her. He couldn't do it. So what does he do?has sex with her instead. Not only is that gross, doesn't it come REALLY close to necrophilia? I know she's not dead, but unconscious in an endless sleep comes close right? Once upon a dream just became once upon a damn nightmare if you ask me!! Anyways, she woke up.....with two babies. Twins. Now, obviously the brothers had ZERO knowledge of what child birth is like and how it effects the behavior of a woman considering, in the story, she didn't wake until AFTER the children were born. Um, no. Ok so one of the babies started suckling on her finger and that's when she woke up. The baby sucked out the splinter. REALLY? That's all it took to wake her up? I wonder why or how her father didn't think of that to begin with. Ok, so now we have a king with 2 bastard children. Well, the queen was pretty pissed off because she ordered the children to be kidnapped. She then ordered the cook to chop them up into a stew and serve it to the king. All this so he would unknowingly eat his own children. Um....OMG! Luckily for these two innocent babies, the merciful cook hid the children with his wife to keep them safe. Gee, what a nice guy! Way to go, Mr. Cook man! The king found out and had her executed. So yeah not such a happy movie after all.

Cinderella. Now here's one you may have already heard. In the Disney classic, she's a slave in her own home. 2 really bitchy step sisters and a horrid, HORRID step mother. Why is it always the step mother?? Anyways, you may recall that every eligible maiden in the kingdom was invited to the ball to meet the prince, yeah? Cinderella was told she could go if she got all her work done. The step family pretty much made it their mission to give her so much work that she couldn't get it all done in time. The mice and birds made her dress for her. Then they were all mad when she came flying down the stairs in her pretty dress. A gift from her mother, if you recall. Pause for a second...if I were Cinderella, there would be no story because those bitches wouldn't be allowed to treat me like that. Nope! Ok anyways, she runs away, meets her fairy godmother....SING IT WITH ME!.....

**Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
It'll do magic believe it or not
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo
But the thingamabob that does the job is
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo

Salagadoola mechicka boola bibbidi-bobbidi-boo
Put 'em together and what have you got
Bibbidi-bobbidi bibbidi-bobbidi
Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo**

Does anyone else notice that this is pretty much gibberish?? Moving on...

She goes to the ball in her pretty blue dress and glass heels. Who dances in glass shoes, btw?? That is just absurd, right? She meets the prince, they fell in love...oh yeah you know what's coming.

**So this is loooove, mmmm-mmmmmm. So this...is loooooove!!**

The most boring Disney song EVER!!

And I am the queen of classic Disney songs!! The clock strikes 12. It's time to go. Her coachman turns back into Bruno. Her horses turn back into mice. Her pumpkin is ran over by the palace guards. She's back in rags, but she's totally over the moon. Ok, so the prince orders the duke to find her. He searches all night. Yada, Yada, Yada now they're at "Chateau Tremaine". I don't think it's called that, but it sounds fancy, yeah? The sisters try on the shoe. Now, the Disney movie does resemble the original but not quite. The shoe won't fit Drisella because her big toe is huge. It goes BOING! The shoe won't fit Anastasia because her heal is too big. The Duke almost leaves. Then Cinderella comes running down the stairs, right? You know the rest.

In the Grimm version, there is no fairy godmother. I know, sad right? Instead the essence of her mother is in a big tree in the back yard. Cinderella would sit under the tree and cry. The tree's leaves and branches are what helped Cinderella dress up for the ball. Oh and by the way it wasn't a ball, it was a 3-day festival in which Cinderella and the Prince danced each day. Imagine watching Cinderella right up until she gets home, rewinding it, then watching it 2 more times in a row before moving on. The duke did not come to her house, it was the prince himself. Drisella couldn't fit the in the shoe on account of her giant sausage toe being too big, so her mother gave her a knife and basically said, "Cut that shit off, bitch! I wanna be royalty!" She obeyed her mother, and then rode off with the prince. Well Mr. Dumb Dumb Prince who should notice what a girl looks or doesn't look like after spending 3 days with her, notices all the blood in the shoe and was like, "Um, gross you're not my bride" and took her back. Anastasia couldn't fit in the shoe on account of her monstrous hobbit feet being too big. Like trying to fit a size 6 shoe on your big ass size 10 foot, idiot! So, Lady Tremaine said, "Cut off your heal. Make it fit!" So she did. The prince rode away with her and again noticed all the blood, again without noticing that it was not, in fact, the same girl he spent 3 days with. He took her back. Cinderella finally came into the picture again. Now it's time for the wedding. The two step-sisters came to the wedding along with their mother offering to be bridesmaids and the crows ended up being like, "Yum, dinner!" and plucked out all of their eyes! Ewww, right?? Reminds me of a song my grandpa Ed used to sing to me!

"Two little grows a sittin in a tree.

Two little crows a sittin in a tree.

Two little crows a sittin in a tree, one named Melissa and the other Jackie. (That's what he said)

One little crow said to his mate.

One little crow said to his mate.

One little crow said to his mate.

There's a dead horse out in yonder field.

Let's go lie down on his back.

Let's go lie down on his back.

Let's go lie down on his back.

AND PICK HIS EYES OUT ONE BY ONE!!"

My grandpa has an amazing sense of humor, ay? 

So that's the story of little Cindy. I always hated when everyone referred to Catharine Duchess of Cambridge as modern day Cinderella. That doesn't make sense. For one, her and Prince William met at college. Two she was loved by her small town family. Three, they lived on a farm. Lastly, she and the Prince dated on and off for years, before they got married. So no, that is incorrect.

Moving on...

The little Mermaid. This one is very similar to the actual original story. Ariel is not her name though, and it wasn't a Brothers' Grimm story. But it is still pretty much the same. She wanted to be part of the human world, yeah? Then she saved Prince Eric from drowning. She then made a deal with the sea witch to get legs so she could be with him. Ok, in the original story, the tiny, insignificant mermaid made that deal to get legs. Only the witch didn't tell her that it would be excruciatingly painful to walk. Ha! Serves you right, dumb dumb! Shouldn't have messed with black magic! The Witch told the princess that if she could get the Prince to fall in love with her, it would be permanent. Well, turns out our Prince Eric was a huge dickface and made her dance for him all the time, even though it hurt her badly. The Prince fell in love with someone else. In the Disney version, Ursula disguised herself as Venessa and tricked the Prince into falling for her. This was against the witch's deal. To be released from said deal, the mermaid was told she had to kill Eric in order to be released and return home. Otherwise, she would die and turn into sea foam. She loved that idiot head. Therefore, she did not kill him. So she died on the beach and turned into sea foam....

Hmmm...well that sucks! Quite the ending, ay? La-la-la-la...YOU'RE DEAD!

Pocahontas. Now here's one that is kind of accurate, but some false. Especially considering she was a real person at the turn of the 16th century. All the film makers had to do was look up her wiki page and boom a movie. I don't know why they tweaked the story. I mean, the others were tweaked from stories. This one was tweaked from history. In this adoring Disney classic, also one of my favorites, (the took it off of Netflix, those bastards!) Pocahontas was a YOUNG girl full of life. She was adventurous and kind of rebellious. In the movie they portray her as an 18-19 year old girl. she was actually 12 or 13 when she met John Smith. She was the daughter of the chief, Powhatan. A pretty important guy if you ask me. He was pretty much king of that entire area. Well she meets a whitey. They fell in love. His friend kills her betrothed. (We know him as Kocoum)Then John is sentenced to death.

**I hear-by claim this land, in honor of his majesty King James the First, and do so name this settlement....(snooty British accent) Jamestown!**

There really is a Jamestown Virginia! Funny huh? If I lived there, I'd be saying that all the time to everyone! Anyways, she saves John Smith by throwing herself on him right as Chief Powhatan swings his rock looking club hammer thing. I've always wondered how that would have beheaded him. I mean, is that what they were going for? If anything, it would most likely paralyze him. He would live as a quadriplegic. The English leave, the end. They make a second movie where Pocahontas goes to England to talk to the king about not attacking her people. She meets John Rolfe and they fall in love. There's one scene where the nanny housekeeper lady is trying to dress her in clothes a well dressed English woman would wear. Back then they wore layer upon layer upon uncomfortable, I imagine, hot layer. She runs into the room where John is and says, "How do I look?" He gets embarrassed and says, "Lovely, in your....underwear." Picture what "Underwear" was in the 16th century. Now picture what an Indian wore during the summer. I always laugh because what she is used to is like not even half of what was considered underwear. Ha Ha. Kind of like what you would see in National Geographic today. *Chuckles to self*

Well history tells us this: "Pocahontas (born Matoaka, known as Amonute, and later known as Rebecca Rolfe, c. 1596–1617) was a Native American^[2][3][4] notable for her association with the colonial settlement at Jamestown, Virginia. Pocahontas was the daughter of Powhatan, the paramount chief^[2] of a network of tributary tribal nations in the Tsenacommacah, encompassing the Tidewater region of Virginia. In a well-known historical anecdote, she is said to have saved the life of an Indian captive, Englishman John Smith, in 1607 by placing her head upon his own when her father raised his war club to execute him. Some historians have suggested that this story, as told by Smith, is untrue.^[5]

Pocahontas was captured by the English during Anglo-Indian hostilities in 1613, and held for ransom. During her captivity, she converted to Christianity and took the name Rebecca. When the opportunity arose for her to return to her people, she chose to remain with the English. In April 1614, she married tobacco planter John Rolfe, and in January 1615, bore their son, Thomas Rolfe.^[1]
In 1616, the Rolfes traveled to London. Pocahontas was presented to English society as an example of the "civilized savage" in hopes of stimulating investment in the Jamestown settlement. She became something of a celebrity, was elegantly fêted, and attended a masque at Whitehall Palace. In 1617, the Rolfes set sail for Virginia, but Pocahontas died at Gravesend of unknown causes. She was buried in a church in Gravesend in the United Kingdom, but the exact location of her grave is unknown.^[1]"
She was young as you can see, but I love her!

These are among many stories that have been majorly tweaked for the sake of children over the years. If you think about it though, the earlier Disney movies are still pretty dark. And racist too. I mean, Dumbo? The most racist of all! The princess and the frog is pretty bad too. Extremely stereotypical. I was shocked.

Talk about childhood stories you love, destroyed. I own a paperback copy of all the Brothers' Grimm stories and whew, they are pretty dark. Good stories, though.

Don't be a dick cuz Jesus said so!

Don't be a dick: The golden rule of life

Well, in my own words. There are so many things that have "gone out of style" to put it nicely. Thanks to millennial babies and feminists chivalry and respect and kindness for others have gone right out the window. It seems to me that this was easy for them. All those things that our parents tried so hard to teach us somehow got lost in translation along the way to the next generation. Things like holding the door open for the person behind you/your lady, simple kind every day gestures like saying please and thank you, saying hello and smiling to passers by, or even referring to those you don't know as sir or ma'am have become crazy what the hells to these younger kids. Who's to blame for these things? Who do we have to shake to get them to understand that this "attitude", that is quite common, is just not okay??

I think that there are a lot of things that are ok today that were definitely not ok a decade or so ago have a lot to do with it. Things that have been goin on for generations but were never talked about. As the military put it "don't ask, don't tell". Well now it's "you can ask but you're not allowed to get upset if you don't like the answer". This is also not okay! How can you say it's ok if you're not like me, but damn you to hell if you are? Isn't that kind of hypocritical? Chastising and damning those who are different, in the name of Jesus, that seems to be popular now a days. It's annoying! I know for a sure fact I am not the only one that feels that this is the definition of hypocrisy. Religious people are often at fault for this! No, I am not mad at religious people. I just feel strongly that if you are going to label yourself as a Christian, for example, you cannot walk around judging and damning those who are either not living that life or a different religion. Everyone seems to think their religion is right, right? You're actions are not in the name of Jesus! You may claim them to be, but so far everything you have done, is definitely NOT something Jesus would do or even consider doing. Angry, disrespectful actions such as condemning those who are gay or black or Muslim is NOT an action you would catch Jesus doing. The way I grew up, Jesus taught to love thy neighbor, respect strangers, be kind to all. As most would say "treat others the way you want to be treated". I don't mean to nitpick but what happened to saying "hey, nice tits!" when did that go out the window? I'm merely complimenting your exquisite bodice. Silly conservatives and your definitions of what sexual harassment is! It's not like I grabbed you! I walked your way, and kept going. I didn't even look back. You kept walking your way and got pissed off cuz the weirdo stranger told you you had a nice rack! Whatever!

Ha Ha. Okay let's get to the nitty gritty. I know that there are a lot of folks out there who do not approve of this LBGT movement. I personally don't understand it. So you're gay! Who gives a shit, go be gay! I do not care. Why does it matter? It doesn't. Oh you wanna be woman and you were born a man? Tough shit! You're a dude! Lady-dudes is what I call them. If you have a damn vagina, you're a woman. If you have a weiner, YOU'RE A MAN! Oh yes, I am definitely one of those people who hate that people think this way. I wouldn't go as far to say that is a mental disorder, as some have, but that doesn't mean I don't think you're a complete wackaduke for it. Again, I do not care if you are gay or lesbian or transgender. That does not bother me in the slightest. What bothers me is the way these people are treated! Be gay if you want. Live YOUR life the way that makes you happy. Do I approve? Not necessarily. But I am also NOT going to go out of my way to tell you that I think you're wrong. Why? because that is not my decision. I, for one, would be REALLY angry if someone told me how I was supposed to live or feel and put federal nation wide laws on who I could love. This is probably why the movement got started in the first place. People got sick of being treated as outcasts and degenerates instead of human beings that have feelings and deserve respect. You know what I mean Vern?

I believe that just because a person is different, doesn't mean they are broken. It doesn't mean they don't deserve a good life, or good fortune, or love. Who the hell are you to judge?? That brings me back around to religious folk who think otherwise. Remember the "in the name of Jesus" thing? Well guess what there is another thing that he didn't do...judge others. So how is it a religious, most the fanatics, person can say, "Oh no, I don't judge because I'm so and so religion. Hmmm well you missed the mark there Mr. Baptist!

Ok back on point. I have notice an outrageous reaction to the transgender bathroom issue. Either that or "You may use the bathroom that you self identify with" policy that target recently adopted. ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS!? Why would you do that?? Why???!!! This policy honestly, my friends, has NOTHING to do with transgender folk. It really doesn't. The reason for that is because, as I said before, transgender folk have been among walking homosapiens for MANY generations. Only now they're out in the open and others are aware of their existence has it become a "problem".

I'd like to point out that I DO NOT have a problem with transgender folk. What I have a problem with, as I said before, is this: most people, the average person anyway, are not millionaires. The procedure to change your sex, gender reassignment surgery, is QUITE expensive. The average American probably can't afford to pay for this operation. It is not covered under most insurance plans. That is not to say that it is impossible. As I said, millionaires can afford it. Folks like Laverne Cox, and Bruce Jenner, they can afford it. Not to mention the boob jobs. Those are pricey procedures too. Anyways, my point is, unless you can afford these surgeries, I'm sorry but you are a MAN or a WOMAN stuck in a MAN or a WOMAN's body. Deal with it!!!

This brings me back to the bathroom problem. The main issues and opinions I've seen about this is "if you're allowed to go into the bathroom you 'self identify' with, what is stopping a man who does not have this issue from saying he is and following me into the bathroom"?? Let me stop you right there! YOU ARE NOT DESCRIBING GENDER DISOCIATIVE DISORDER!!!! YOU ARE NOT!! You are talking about rape culture!! You are more scared of a man sexually assaulting you than you are a PERSON who identifies as a woman. Worried about your kids??? How about you focus on TEACHING your child(ren) about gender dissociative disorder!! You are teaching them to be SCARED of these people, not UNDERSTAND these people. Teach your child(ren) to be aware of the differences people have. Teach them it is ok to be different because they can be whoever they want to be. Again, PEOPLE DESERVE RESPECT. It does not matter how you feel about what THEY are doing with THEIR lives!

*Notice all the capitalized words. That means the words are key!*

It truthfully is none of your business! Now, I have said a few times that I personally do not much care for that way of life, but again I must emphasize that I do not care if YOU live that way. I have MY OWN life to live and I choose to live it MY WAY! I am not being forced to accept nor reject YOUR way of life. That is what is so great about choice, right? What I'm saying in very simple words, in case you didn't get it, is GET OVER IT! MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!

Swinging back around to the religious aspects of this issue. Along with all that, I've also seen a lot of videos posted of people defending their opinion on the matter. People have been saying some pretty mean things. Physical threats, name calling etc...Does that sound like respect to you? NO, don't be a dick, he said, remember!? This goes back to the point I made about people deserving respect. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people are just that....PEOPLE. You nor anyone else has ANY right to treat them so badly and threaten their safety for being different.

GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE YOU LEAVE, DUMB DUMB!!

I'm not naïve to the fact that small children and babies need to go to the bathroom sometimes when you are out. I get that, trust me I do. So if you are truly that worried about it, maybe you should stay home. If you must go out, don't go to places of controversy that you seem to want to cry about so much! You can no longer complain about it if you're willingly going to the places that support this decision. Like Target. Go somewhere else. No one is forcing you to go there. If you don't go there you are not going to be forced to comply, comprende?

Ok, well that pretty much covers it. Key points being:

Don't be a dick! Be kind to others regardless because that is what a decent person is all about.

Money is everything

Ever since I was a little kid, I've always known that I am attracted to semi-expensive/actually quite expensive things. Furniture, electronics, clothes, cars etc...

Once I got older, after I graduated high school mostly, I figured out how having and not having money really works. If I had the money for something, I would buy it. Even if I knew I either didn't need it, or couldn't afford it in the long run. This practice, as I'm sure you could guess, got me into A LOT of trouble in the few years of being on my own. There are several individuals in my life that can personally attest to the issues and problems I had. The lessons I had to learn the hard way were in the double digits, I'm sure. If I really think about it, I'm sure that number is higher. Student loans, fancy clothes, apartments and cars are just among the few things that I, if I could go back, would change. Who would give up the chance to right and really dumb wrong if they had the chance to go back? I know for sure I would.

Eventually spending the little money I did have got me into so much trouble that if I didn't do something about it right then, I probably would have been in some SERIOUSLY deep trouble. After I joined the military, I had a steady pay check. I had a constant flow of money. My 20 year old self of course loved this. It seemed that trouble I got into before didn't matter as much because I had money now. Well...I was way wrong. WAY WRONG! I just didn't get it. I spent and I spent and I spent. I don't really think there are sufficient words for how badly I screwed things up. My credit, my bank accounts....just doomed from the get go. In June 2010, I bought a car. It was a 2009 Chevrolet Malibu. I LOVED IT!! It was charcoal grey and it had everything. The most beautiful car I had ever seen...for me.

I had the car for a few months until after I got out of the Marine Corps. I could only afford it for a few months after I got out. I had no job and Zack couldn't afford to take on the payments. Especially with the new truck he bought before we got married. It was eventually repossessed. At the time I didn't really care because it was just a bunch of extra stress to worry about. After a few months, I missed that car but eventually that care went away. Until one day in the mail I got a letter from the loan lenders saying I owed them a BUNCH of money. Oh man so much money. I didn't have it. Ugh!

I took on odd jobs like babysitting and massages here and there, it wasn't enough. Not to mention the student loans I had procured. Geez! I had some serious collaborating to do. I needed to sit down and figure out what I owed to who. Talk about biting you in the ass right? That was ultimate bite in the ass because now I had someone else in my life to care about. It wasn't just about me anymore. It wasn't mine this or his that. It was OURS. After sitting down with my charming hunksband, we figured out together what bills we had and what loans both of us had. We could barely afford the little duplex we lived in. Obviously, I had more than him, but we figured out a plan and set that plan in motion.

I tried to find jobs around town. No one wanted a former Marine who couldn't manage to stay in one full enlistment(that's a story for another day). I was unsuccessful. Zack got orders shortly after that, and we moved out to Hawaii. I decided to put all that on the back burner for now because I really wanted to start a family. We had a substantial pay increase when we moved out to Hawaii. It is technically considered over seas even though it is still part of the United States. So we got an extra few hundred for that. Our BAH seemed like it skyrocketed. The housing we chose to live in was different from the on base housing. It was a government contracted installation so we only paid rent. The base housing took all of the BAH. These houses only took what they needed. That is why we decided to live there. We saved several hundred dollars a month living there. We were finally financially stable enough to start our family. Which I was quite happy about. This meant that I could go online or to the stores and baby shop to my hearts content. This...got me into more trouble. This time with Zack. He did not like how much I was spending on clothes and random baby gear. I did my best to justify my purchases, but sometimes that wasn't enough. I then started to think about how deep my already deep enough financial hole was already and I needed to just...stop. I tried really hard o save money and I tried really hard to limit myself on how much I did spend and save. I managed to save quite a bit, actually. For that, I was proud of myself.

In 2014, our laptop took a dive. When I say dive, I mean it kept getting virus no matter how much malware we had and one night it was destroyed. By that I mean it was thrown, across the room, for playing the same ad over and over. It was so annoying. Just over and over. You know that Hidden Valley Ranch commercial? It was that!!! Over and over and over. So Zack punished it!! Well I was upset, but not because he destroyed our laptop...which is one of those pricey items. I was upset because I had SO many photos of Mara when she was a baby on there along with many other photos of our life together so far and my life before. I managed to get them all off, thankfully!

Zack said that now that the laptop was broken, it's time to get a new one. This was his excuse. I forgot to mention that Zack also has expensive taste, only he's SUBSTANTIALLY better and restraining himself and saving then I ever was or have been. We got the same brand of laptop. It was cheap and on discount, but still expensive. That laptop lasted for...can you guess? 6 months. In that time I managed to save every photo I had and took all of them and put them on a USB. Smart. Ok, moving on...

Now I have no laptop. This time I was upset because it was my window to the outside world. As I said in the last post, it's quite isolating out here. One night I was in bed. I woke up to loud banging. Zack was still awake. It was about 3 in the morning. I got up to go see what the banging was. I was more worried that the noise would wake up my 9 month old daughter who slept with her door open. Turns out she can sleep through a hurricane. The noise was coming from the garage. We lived in the top apartments. It was above our garage. I went downstairs to find Zack blasting his god awful screamer music(the pig squealing kind, not the actual tolerable kind) and taking a tiny sledge hammer to the laptop!! What the hell old man!!! Again, mainly for the noise. I asked what he was doing he said viruses. Although I had never noticed a difference in the speed of the laptop or pop ups or anything, I accepted his reasoning, said shut the hell up! and went back to sleep. The next day I asked if we were going to go get another laptop. He said No! What the hell man! You're gonna destroy the laptop that I rely on for, you know human contact, and not replace it??? Ugh. He didn't seem to care at the time, but about 3 weeks later we went to AT&T to fix our phones. Something was wrong with his. While we were in the store, he saw the ipads we have now and got 2 of them. Ipad minis. I used this and no longer cared about the laptop. Mind you, ipads are expensive too, but he heard the amount it would be a month added to the phone bill and didn't mind that it would take 3 years to pay them off(which they didn't tell us of course).

Since then I've used my ipad for pictures, videos, and all manner of apps and programs that I really like. I got used to the touch pad. Eventually(with in the last year or so) I've leaned more toward getting an actual laptop. Zack said I had an ipad and didn't need a laptop since the ipad is basically a mini computer. Sure, maybe a little. However, there are many sites that are not supported on an ipad. Eventually I convinced Zack to get me a laptop. Consider it a birthday present.

It is so nice. Now I have to get used to a keyboard again. It's windows 10 so I can set it up just like my phone, which I did. That makes it easier because I don't have to et used to two different systems. It also came with a nice surprise that I didn't notice when I bought it. It's one of those 360 degree flipping screen ones. So I can use touch screen like I do with the ipad but have a key board. Nice right?

Let's just pray this laptop doesn't get caught in the crossfire of Zack's destructive pleasures. :)

A mother always knows

I have this blog because it's a great way for me to get off my chest all my thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. Being a stay at home mom is fine and dandy, but sometimes I just want to talk to an adult. My husband doesn't always appreciate my talking his ear off the second he walks through the door after a long day. Granted, the internet is not an adult, it can be seen by adults who can comment. I do not have many friends and the ones I do have live far away. I live on a very isolated island. It's beautiful here. So much to do.

The problem is, as I said, very far from home. I am often alone. The few friends I did acquire left me. Literally moved away. The others, well...let's just say I don't always come across in the best way. I've been told I chase people away. I don't know how that is possible. Rude? Eh. I've also been told that even when I don't mean to be, I come across that way. Well get over it!!! My mother used to say, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." I used to get so angry when she said that because I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. The friends I had loved me and stayed friends with me regardless of my crass and bluntly honest nature. Now I'm grown up and as much as my mother is right, I still hate to think people take everything so sensitively.

I recently came to be very close friends with a girl. We were very tight. Deep conversations, sleep overs you know. I truly thought her and I would be friends forever. I could always tell her exactly how I felt in the way I thought it without censoring myself or fear of offending her. She had no problem telling me if she thought I was wrong or being mean. I appreciated that. I really did! I felt safe with her. I felt like no matter what I did or said, she would understand me and why I did or said those things. Her and I just meshed well. I'm sure you have had a friend like that.

A little more than a year after we met, she started acting strange. Every time I said anything, she would sigh or shrug. I knew she was having some issues with her sister in law and I just thought she was worried about other things. One night I went to dinner at her house with her brother and sister in law. They had a little girl Mara's age. My first instinct was to find common ground and talk about the kids. So that's what I did. I had no idea the sister in law didn't like me. I didn't think I did or said anything even remotely offensive. I thought we were having a good time. Everyone was happy and laughing and joking the whole evening.

A few days later I texted her to see if she wanted to grab lunch or coffee. She declined and broke up with me. I mean she told me she needed space. She said it was all too much and that she just couldn't handle it. Confused, I said alright and told her I'd talk to her later. I had no idea at the time that she was talking about her in laws. I had been having issues with others lately and didn't realize she hopped the band wagon until it was too late. At the time my suspicions were on the in laws because she had no problem until her sister in law came over.

I asked her what the deal was because I needed to know if maybe there was something in the water. She then lost her damn sandwich on me. I mean all the meat and cheese just fell right out. She yelled at me and said very mean things about my personality. She belittled, nippicked, and ripped apart the very essence of my being. The entire core of who I was, crushed in an instant. I didn't know what to say or do. She told me that if I didn't change, I will always be alone. I found that to be perposterous! Down right ludacris!!! It truly hurt my feelings. That doesn't happen often. I mean, I'm sensitive to a point, sure. Things bother me, yes. But this truly hurt.

The first person I called to cry to was, of course, my mother. To which her response was, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." She did the best she could to help me see the situation from both sides. This was hard to do because this has never happened before. She tried to tell me how this girl may have felt she was right, but went about it very wrong. I didn't wanna hear that she was right! She was so mean. How could she be right??

In the end, I came to the conclusion that I am me and I will not change who I am for anyone! My own husband loved me and married me just the way I am. If he, OF ALL PEOPLE, can accept me, flaws and all, and never ask me to change, why can't others do the same?? I do have those few friends I've been friends with for over a decade and not one of them ever complained about my crass bluntness. Which apparently, as I learned in this experience, can be mistaken for rudeness. The girl an I eventually talked it out, expressed our grievances, and moved on. We are still friends. Although there is still a scar, I'm glad we got a chance to talk it out.

Gee, makes me wanna call my mom!